Desires, Fears + Loves

This practice is better for your relationship than full-body tantric orgasms (and is a prerequisite to getting those too 😉)! Having context dependent desire, which most women have, means that you most likely NEED a deep emotional connection to your partner to even be open to intimacy. Doing this practice will get you quickly to a deeper level connection by creating a structure for chatting about what really matters; your desires, your fears and what you love about each other.

Do this practice in the beginning of a goalless playdate with your partner and move on to a more physical practice like the ones below. We highly recommend getting into the habit of doing this practice with your partner on a regular basis and preferably once a week to keep your emotional connection (and hence your desire for intimacy) strong and fresh.

Explanation of exercise: This exercise is done sitting across from each other comfortably, about 15-30cm (6 – 12 inches) apart. As you are asking the questions, don’t change the question and don’t get into a conversation. When your partner is talking, you are fully listening. That is what makes this exercise work. This creates a sense of safety, knowing that your partner is fully listening to you and is not going to try to fix, change or judge you. They are just here to listen to what you have to say.

Until the audio asks you to switch, keep asking your partner the same question if you are asking the questions or keep sharing if you are sharing. If you feel as though you’ve hit a kind of limit or wall with the question, just close your eyes and feel inside, and take as long as you need until you have something to share, but keep going. The repeated question is designed to allow you to go deeper and deeper, and to think about things from an angle that you might not have considered before.

In a few cases, if your partner said something that you really need to talk about, remember to do this in the most delicate and loving way. Take full responsibility for whatever you are triggered by and very gently discuss it with your partner. But if there is anything in you that can just move on, then choose to keep the space held and move on into something else.